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Theonion: Washington—Pledging To Defend The Highest Laws Of The United States As Objectively And Consistently As Possible, Supreme Court Nominee Neil Gorsuch Vowed Monday That If Confirmed, He Would Interpret The Constitution In Accordance With Former
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Theonion: Steve Bannon Mixes Discarded Climate Change Report With Saliva To Build Final Wall Of Nest Washington—Revealing That The President’s Chief Strategist Had Been Observed Scuttling Around The Residence To Gather Materials, White House Aide
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